No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
