I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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