btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
