i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
