Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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