you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
