I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
