I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
