I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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