i think i have two assholes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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