I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize