I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
