the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
