I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
