worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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