i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
