I just threw up on my dentist
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
