I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
