She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
