Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
