She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize