im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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