I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
