I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize