Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
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it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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