They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
