You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
