woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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