Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
