Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
