Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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