I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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