I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
