Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
