btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
