I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
