Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
