You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
