can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
