a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
