So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
