she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
