I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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