She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
