Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
