using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
