I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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