So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
