Heybabeimwearingurpanties
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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