I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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