I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
