you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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