I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
