yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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