Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
