he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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