I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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