I faked an abortion last night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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