dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize