Already got asked if we're dating
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
