Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
