I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
