If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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