I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
