so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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