I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Panties = found
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
