u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
