From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
