No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
