oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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