Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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