dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
