i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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