My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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