I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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