I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
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This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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