but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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