Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize