Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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